Homeless In Makati

I am still in the office trying to come up with an earth-shattering post for a porn blog, one that will make the reader writhe in bliss, giving the impression that all his bones have turned to liquid. Hmmm… but wait, this is that article! So, are you writhing yet? Meeoooww.

Ok, I’m afraid that after reading this your IQ will be pulled down a couple of points lower which means that if you’re already slow, you’ll be walking backward from here on. Blame this nonsense post on the significant other who had unceremoniously thrown me out of my own apartment so her horde of relatives can occupy it. What’s even more hair-raising about this whole episode is that she did it over the phone. Yep, the SO called, told me to pack up some things and beat it. Of course I had to capitulate, if only to erase the stigma of a smart alecky reply I made when in all seriousness she asked me;

“Baby, will you die for me?”

And I had the lapse of judgment to blurt out,

“Of course not, sweetie, my love is an undying love.”

And just like that, I found myself in the office trying to come up with a suitable post at 2:30 in the morning and at the same time wondering where the heck I will be sleeping. Kids, always be wary of these kinds of questions, there are always dire consequences when you get the answer wrong.

On to my housing problem. The hotels here in Makati charge an arm and a leg (and the appendage between your legs) for a night’s stay. I can’t have that. Everytime the concierge gives me the standard rate I automatically convert the price to cases and cases of beer which is bad.

And then there are the motels, Anito, Shhh, the Flower Group (Sampaguita, Ilang-ilang, Dahlia), etc… The problem with these types of establishments is that they won’t allow you to check in alone. No siree, even if you’re wearing a Paul Smith shirt and a Mark&Spencer tie, they’ll still look at you like you’re some junkie whose only purpose in life is to go to these seedy motels and shoot it up.

tied to the bedpostSo based on these limitations, I really don’t have much of a choice now, do I? I will have to bring somebody along, preferably one who stands under a lamp post in a street corner chewing gum, if only for presentation purposes. I really shouldn’t be doing this but at this point, my hands are tied. Hopefully in the next couple of hours my hands will still be tied, this time to the bedpost.

I really have the worst luck in the world. Tch.

7 Responses to Homeless In Makati

  1. jangeronimo says:

    They don’t admit you if you come alone? Don’t get that – do they charge by the head?

    Come. Head. Cuffs. Chafe. Funnel my comment into a word cloud and it will scream soft porn. Jesus, what have I become! Ahahaha.

    SO who leaves you to fend for yourself. That’s a misnomer, methinks. So you’ve been in search for a dumbed down dominatrix version. Well, I just hope you’ve hitched the perfect Shhh-mate – one whose cuffs don’t chafe too much.

    This deserves a part 2. Yeah, boy.

  2. zorlone says:

    Poor influenzablogger, I wouldn’t expect you to be in that predicament. I thought your smooth and cool reasoning abilities can get you out of that trap. Ouch!

    Oh, well, just think of it as a charity. Like Bruce Wayne giving to the poor. Well, in your case, you are giving away your talent to an eager student. (Estudyante! ::evil grin::)


  3. jan geronimo says:

    OMG. Who’s the culprit! Who’s squandered our Alexa millions. It’s down to 3,163,910. Anybody? Own up, guys. We’re going to the dogs if di aamin ang salarin.

  4. madz says:

    What? They won’t allow you if you’re alone? Hmm, well, instead of bring along a lady with a chewing gum, bring along your best buddy instead. Would they allow you to come in if you’re with the same sex? LOL!

  5. jan geronimo says:

    I guess they will, Madz. But you’re spoiling the fun for Bonnie with your suggestion. It’s not everyday he gets kicked out of the S.O.’s apartment, you see. Ahahaha. Bonnie is just optimizing the rare occasions these things happen. 🙂

  6. […] What if you’re heartbroken. Your significant other throws you out of the apartment.   Do you think you can let it all hang out without milking it for what it’s worth? No, darn it. You’re not an uber blogger if you do that. What you do is to hide your broken arms in your sleeves and think like a blogger. Snap out of it and dazzle us with an account, preferably something like this, “Homeless in Makati” […]

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